Welcome to this very first Soulstory. A story that may arise on its own. An adventure, not knowing where to go…Will you come with me?

Let me just start somewhere. Getting started is not my strong point. I can stand for a very long time at an intersection. Like a kind of frozen person, not daring to make a choice. Left, right, straight ahead or a U-turn? Frozen in fear. Afraid to make a “wrong” choice.
Now I know: there are no wrong choices. Never! All choices are correct. Left or right, straight ahead or back, you are on your path anyway.
But back to the frozen human, clinging to the fear. Don’t dare go. Because what if…? Or if I do this then…. And what if I choose it, what do others think…?
Fear is originally a survival mechanism in your brain. It warns you of danger. A wonderful instrument when it is really needed in case of danger…

But how big is the risk, the danger, when you have to make a choice in the direction you want to go? Do you physically hurt yourself or others? Is it about life or death choices? If you answer ‘no’ twice, then there is no danger and you can ignore your brain with its fear…

It’s interesting that I, and you, let our fear influence us so often. What is it that makes us freeze (or flee or fight) and start doubting?
The fear seems to have gone a bit too far. Fear of everything and seems to have forgotten its function. Forgetting what it was originally intended for: warning of danger!

I’ll tell you…fear has become fearful of thoughts. Thoughts that often originated in your childhood. Thoughts which are actually words from your environment (such as parents, teacher or master). Words that wanted to protect you from failure or unpleasant experiences. Words that became your thoughts, where feelings arose. And in similar situations, an alarm bell rings for fear. Ah! There comes a familiar situation. Action! Heart rate up, perspiration, brain alert with all kinds of thoughts and the accompanying feelings… freeze, flee or fight.

Freezing says it all: you freeze and can’t go anywhere. You don’t take the initiative and feel like a victim of a situation. Fleeing can be done in different ways, at least ignoring or denying your thoughts through the use of excessive eating, drinking, sports, drugs or other addictions. Fleeing can manifest itself in self-destructive behavior. When fighting, you also ignore or deny your thoughts, but you focus more outwardly. Fighting expresses itself, for example, in anger and aggression, frustration, violence.

They may be some extreme examples and not necessarily present at a crossroads in your life. It does provide insight into how the brain, fear and thoughts work and can affect your behavior and your life. It can clarify how your fear works. Often there is a mix of behaviors in fear: freezing, fleeing and fighting. The proportions can vary from person to person, but you often see the same kind of patterns in a person.

It is important to be aware of patterns that you have with anxiety. How does it work for you? And most importantly: what stories, words, underlie it? What story are you telling yourself? Does it help you make choices in your current life? And most importantly, are you physically hurting yourself or others? Or is it a choice of life or death?

No?! Then make a damn choice. Because every choice is right!


Back to that damn crossroads, which I already knew very well…the crossroads of starting for myself. I decided long ago that I wanted to be my own boss. A wonderful idea and great that I wanted to do that. Then came the fear, more intense than before when making the decision to be your own boss. Although that fear also liked to be heard, I could reasonably ignore it… That crossroads had been taken… pfff

Now all kinds of questions in my head:
What could I do? What could I earn money in? What do I excel at? What is my passion? I am not commercial. I can do a lot of things a little bit. How can I distinguish myself from others? Etc. etc.

What do you think? Helping thoughts to make choices? Let me make a choice in that: NO! In my head I kept repeating and repeating these kinds of questions, like a gramophone record (or for the young among us: mp3 on the repeat)

The environment said ‘just start’. Okay, good advice. Thank you! But where? I didn’t oversee it all. I could go in so many different directions, directions that were usually far from each other… coach, interior stylist, graphic designer, children’s yoga teacher, speech therapist. I like so much and I can do a little bit of everything…

I was always jealous of people who did something out of their passion. Sometimes at a young age. I felt like I was messing around and fiddling. Clumsy, clumsy, failing and long lasting. You understand that with such an attitude and especially these thoughts, did not help me any further.

Yet there was the moment, gradually, when something in me began to move and flow. I started…gathering courage…lovingly kicked myself in the buttocks. I actually don’t even remember what or when it started exactly. Good story, you would say…

Most importantly, I decided long ago that I wanted to be my own boss and the seed was planted. And I know that one seed needs a little more time than another seed, until it germinates. And coincidentally mine needed a little more time.

A seed needs some love and attention, in addition to nutrition and sunlight. That is where the foundation lies: self-love, self-care and self-confidence. Let those just be pieces in me that needed some attention, and still. These had to be healed and matured before the seed could germinate. This made it take a bit longer…

And now… the moment is there: I have now been able to develop enough self-love, self-care and self-confidence that the soil in which the seed was planted is fertile enough to grow and develop. It is important to keep the soil healthy. That means keep working on it.

With these basic ingredients you can make a choice more easily at that intersection. You know what you can, want and dare to do. Defrosted, relaxed and knowing that every choice you make is right and walking your path anyway…

So this story could have been told in one sentence. A crossroads: ok! Straight on POINT.

Thank you for joining us and I look forward to meeting you again at the next intersection!